Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
