How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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