is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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