She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
