so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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