New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
