Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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