I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
