And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
