Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
