I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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