We named our party play list daddy issues
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
