Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
