dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
