I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
