We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
