I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
