last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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