Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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