I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
