I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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