My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
