also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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