Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
