the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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