hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
