the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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