there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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