I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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