hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
