mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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