He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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