Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
