my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
