i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
