im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
