All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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