she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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