i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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