I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
