Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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