they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
