Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
