HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
