I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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