Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
