it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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