this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
