The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
