the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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