u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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