chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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