But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
