you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
