We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
