DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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