Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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