I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
