he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
