Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
