its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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