You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
