she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
