Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
