You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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